Let’s Face It…Everything Changes After Having a Baby!
My friend and her husband finally got a beautiful baby girl named Sarah. They dreamed of having a baby from the day they moved in together. But nothing can prepare you for having one, until you actually get one.
Like all new parents, it has been a rollercoaster of no sleep for those two, constant crying, pooping diapers and an endless need to change your shirt. It’s been a rough month for them and they should know it’ll get worse before it gets better. They’re a young couple and with the baby it’s hard to find time for each other.
She tells me, that the baby has brought them together, but in a strange way it’s pushed them apart.
She had to take a hiatus from her job to care for Sarah until she’s old enough and they can afford a nanny, so her husband’s the only one working. He’s not used to supporting the house on his own and he’s had to take a few extra shifts to cover up her share of the expenses. That’s not to mention the new expenses of the baby. Even though they planned for this, it’s still been difficult.
She has told me:
“At the end of the day we’re happy. We have a wonderful baby girl; outside of her poops, vomiting and incessant crying. She has these tiny little fingers and, I know she’s too young to start speaking, but I feel like her first is going to be carpet. She loves our living room carpet! Sometimes letting her lay on that makes her stop crying. We have a house she can grow up in. But we haven’t had time to really speak with each other because we’re always so exhausted. By the time Sarah’s asleep, we’re so paranoid that she’ll wake up we try not to do any real activity. On the other hand, he’s so exhausted from the extra work and I’m so exhausted from the baby that we end up sleeping whenever we can. I guess you can say that’s our new couple’s activity!”
I’ve been looking around for solutions and almost everyone says the same thing. I really hope they can get through the next year. The first few months are hard, but it’s important to bond with the baby. They do get to do some things together when he gets home on the weekends. They’ve done a family picnic, taken photos and bought her new toys.
She then continued:
“Sometimes I feel like I’m going to rip my hair out. My husband and I have gotten into so many fights lately over the most mundane things. I know it’s stupid, but everything is so stressful it’s hard not to. This morning we got into a screaming match because someone forgot to close the cabinet. The night before, it was caused by the mayonnaise jar being left open, and because he coughed in his sleep and woke the baby! The last one was completely my fault, and we try to make up afterwards, but I can’t wait until Sarah gets older. For now, all we can do is grit our teeth.”
When things get really bad and you let the stress get to you, you should try to remember that you’ll have more time later for each other when your baby gets older.
Maybe the first year really will test your relationship, but you shouldn’t give up. You can still take a little time out of your day for gestures that only take 10 minutes or even less to do. Maybe just a kiss, saying I love you, taking the trash out, buying a chocolate when you already are in the store or maybe just changing the dipper every once in a while, can really mean the world to your significant other.